Although I appear to have the patience of an elephant, there are times when
the inside of me is screaming like a newborn baby. I feel like everything is
as comfortable and soothing as can be and then all of a sudden - WHAM! - I'm
ripped from that comfortable womb and wrapped into a blanket that thousands
of other babies have drooled all over and placed in a glass box to be stared
at like that guy at the circus who can tie himself in a pretzel.
For the sake of my sanity, I have compiled a list of questions that I am frequently
asked. From now on, I will no longer answer these questions (and be aware that
I will be constantly adding questions as there are soooooo many that it is humanly
impossible to remember them all in one sitting). I will save my voice by referring
you to the site. I would like to thank John Richards for this brilliant idea!
Q: What if I don't hand this in?
A: I don't mark it.
Q: Can this be done in pencil?
A: You know that next year you will fail if you use anything but blue/black
pen. Get in the habit now of writing in nothing but blue or black pen.
Q: Does this have to be double-spaced?
A: If you don't double-space your work, I can't correct certain aspects because
there is only so much room at the margin. It is in your best interest (if you
want feedback) to double space all work.
Q: What if I get a fatal disease the day the assignment is due? Will I be
excused from the assignment's due date?
A: If you suddenly contract Leprosy or any other fatal disease, I really don't
think that your assignment is all that important anymore. Furthermore, do not
go near anyone who wants to meet the assignment's due date. I will hold you
accountable for getting them dead.
Q: Why?
A: Because.
Q: 'Because' isn't an answer
A: Why?
Q: Do I have to copy this down?
A: No. But if it appears on a quiz, you should have remembered it.
Q: Do you ever give a straight answer?
A: No. Genetics.
Q: Is there running water in Northern Ontario?
A: Only in the spring
Q: Am I late if I have a note?
A: Only if your note does not have time travel capabilities.
Q: …but my note has a good reason.
A: But were you here when the bell rang?...no…then you're late.
Addition to the answer - you can have a reason for being late, but you can't
not be late when you're late. If you were suppose to do something 2 seconds
ago and you did it now, it's late. Sure you lost your right eye because your
grandfather lodged his dentures into your melon because you beat him at scrabble,
but this does not mystically reverse time. Late is late.
Q: I was talking to another teacher, am I late?
A: see above before I hurt you.
Q: I was never taught how to "______" before. How can you expect
me to know it?
A: Because I can.
Q: Why?
A: See website for answer to this question.
Q: What would get me full marks?
A: The full answer.
Q: What's the full answer?
A: Doesn't this defeat the purpose of being tested?
Q: What party affiliation do you have?
A: It's a secret process. I don't want you and your goons hitting me with a
shillelagh over and over again! Besides, even if I did tell you who I voted
for, you'd probably still beat me repeatedly over and over.
Q: Does this look good?
A: I'll recommend that when you're using a q-tip and you feel something, stop
pushing.